


Three Sugars and a Grapefruit Slice

by illbefinealone



Series: Robusta Café [2]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Coffee Shops, I'll try to get more done soon, M/M, hopefully I'm not a one-hit wonder, you know once I figure out the timeline and other things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-09-20 02:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9471617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illbefinealone/pseuds/illbefinealone
Summary: Josh never fit in, until the moment he walked into Robusta Café.Or,As Josh begins to get accustomed to not feeling like an outsider, so does his upstairs neighbor.[Sequel toMake It Irish, Please]





	1. Part One: Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to cliqueasfrick who suggested something of the sorts.
> 
>  
> 
> At the moment of me posting this, the prologue is all I have written (I procrastinate, sorry). I am uploading it in hopes of inspiration coming once people start demanding more. Feel free to comment and leave kudos, I promise it'll get me to write.
> 
> If you're on tumblr and wanna chat, illbefinealone.tumblr.com is where you'll find me. If you're not on tumblr and you wanna chat, illbefinealone.tumblr.com is still where you'll find me. My ask box is open and I check it a lot even when I don't post/reblog stuff.
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> ENJOY!

  


Josh grew up being told that he is special. The only problem was that he never believed it. He always looked at himself as mediocrity, maybe lesser than that. Mostly because he never felt like he fits in, anywhere. Not at school with his peers, and definitely not at home.

Ever since his early teens, he’s been looking for a place where he could fit in, a thing to do, but he had no idea what that thing was. He tried everything he could, all the sports that he found somewhat interesting, all the arts he was allowed to try under the strict eyes of his father. Not one of the things he tried had stuck. So he spent his days going to school because he had to, taking shifts in his favorite café because he wanted to, and walking around town because it was a relaxing activity that came with the perk of avoiding his family.

When he went off to college it was the same thing. He changed his mind about his major five times, he sat in so many lectures, trying to find anything that might interest him. Nothing caught on. It never happened. In the end he decided to drop out, in the name of mental health.

But once he did, he stumbled onto a different problem, the judgment from his family. The pity. The worry. Mostly the blame game. He didn't get a support system that was set to help him figure everything out, help him build his confidence and become a fully functioning member of society. It was the complete opposite. And he couldn't take being blamed for everything anymore.

So he packed a bag and left.

He spends two years working at random places around the country, getting fired frequently as he continued searching for his place in society. The longest he spends at a job was at a coffee shop in Ann Arbor, five full months before he gets fired. He doesn't even do anything wrong, he's wrongfully accused by one of his colleagues. He gets set up by a homophobic prick, but instead of trying to prove his innocence, he takes his paycheck, he packs up and catches a bus to Chicago the very next day.

The most interesting thing about his move is that once he left the house he grew up in he felt as if a weight from his chest has been lifted. Once he was away from his family, he no longer felt pressure to be the person they wanted him to be. He felt free to explore his options, to be himself, to finally figure out what he wanted to do with his life. To figure out who he is.

And sure, while his anxiety was still taking the lead, and while a job that paid enough to enable him to try new things was nowhere to be found, it didn’t stop him from fighting. He knew that one day things will get better. Little did he know, that the day things finally looked up was just five weeks away.

*

Chicago is a big city, bigger than what Josh is used to. And while he is sure he will enjoy the anonymity it will bring, he is very worried about his feet. He tends to walk everywhere in order to save money, but with a city this big, he'll have to cut other expenses. No splurging whatsoever.

He finds a cheap motel where he settled in. The cheapest motel in town matter of fact, found thanks to a quick Google search done at a coffee shop that offers free Wi-Fi. But once he does he finally let himself relax as much as he could. The motel he stays in is cheap for a reason. It's pretty much filthy in there. When he moves in he spends five hours cleaning the room he rented out; a pair of rubber gloves, a box of baking soda, and a bottle of white vinegar become his best friends during this time.

Finding a job wasn't easy, it never is, but in a city with a big demand it proved to be a challenge to stay at the same place for more than a week. Josh had a hard time staying anywhere, he had such a bad luck at the places where they were hiring; it was a great amount of judgmental people that he stumbled onto. He had no idea that there is so much prejudice out there, especially towards people with his sexuality. It's the twenty first century for god's sake, how is it that he ends up having the same problem over and over again.

He takes a job at a diner, then loses it after four days and the owner refuses to pay him; but Josh gets to keep the tips he earned. At the next job he gets paid, he works a full week at a pizza place, and the costumers are quite satisfied, however his coworkers are some of the biggest assholes on this planet; they steal inventory and set him up to take the fall for them. The next place where he works is a clothes shop. He's not very good at that job. He knows nothing about clothes, he has zero advice to give to the sea of people than visits the shop every single day. After the first day fiasco his sticks to working the register, however the customers complain about his grumpiness – he doesn’t really wanna be there - and the other people in his shift roll their eyes at him, instead of helping him learn the threads of the job. After day three he quits, and his boss pays him for the work he had done.

After three weeks with no income his desperation takes him on the other side of town. He wakes up before dawn and he spends the half of the money he has left on a ticket for the L, hoping luck will strike in a part of Chicago he has never been to. He walks into several stores, diners, and coffee shops, asking if they’re looking for someone, and the only answer he gets is no. But he doesn’t give up. The next day he does the same, he returns to the same part of town, and he continues his search, while the businesses continue to say no. That is until he stumbles onto a coffee house that carries the name Robusta Café. A coffee house decorated in dark colors, shades of navy and brown intertwined to create a fancy looking space that Josh would love to work in.

It’s early in the morning, the coffee shop has just opened, but it’s already filled with customers. There are two baristas working behind the counter, and when he steps in he is greeted by those same smiling faces that are just simply oozing friendliness.

“Excuse me,” Josh says after he walks up to the counter, trying his best to keep his voice steady. After the amount of rejection he had received during the last couple of days, his confidence has suffered, so every once in awhile when he has to speak his voice showcases his nervousness, and it shakes on every word, “This might be an odd question, but are you hiring?”

“Yes we are,” says one of the baristas, the shorter guy who is wearing a fedora, “I was supposed to put up a sign, it just slipped my mind this morning,” the guy speaks as he fills up a to-go cup, and passes the order, “Hi, I’m Patrick. I’m the owner.”

“I’m Josh,” he mutters, as he extends his arm, offering a handshake.

“Nice to meet you,” Patrick offers him a smile once again, a smile that Josh finds soothing, as the man accepts his handshake, “How about you find a free table, and I’ll join you for a chat in a couple of minutes?”

“Of course,” Josh nods, and his heart is about to explode from the relief he’s feeling. Even if he doesn’t survive the first week, he’ll still get a chance to earn enough to pay for his stay in the motel. But at the back of his mind he’s hoping, he is praying that it’ll all work out. He’s kind of sick of moving around at this point, he’s looking forward to staying at the same place for more than a month, developing a routine and sticking to it.

Maybe, if it works out at this place, he can finally get his own place, begin living the life he always wanted. He begins daydreaming about all the possibilities, as he always does whenever he is few steps closer to getting a job. As he sits down on a chair at the corner of the coffee shop, that old habit of imagining himself doing laundry in his own apartment returns. It’s a fantasy he has, sure doing laundry is a silly thing to look forward to, but it’s the thing that Josh watched his mom do a thousand times, a chore that makes any house feel like a home. And Josh knows that he shouldn’t get his hopes up like that, but he can help it. His whole being longs for a place he can call his, a home away from his family, a safe home where he doesn’t feel attacked.

Patrick, the man with the fedora, joins him after a few minutes; Josh is now jittery, he’s looking forward to the conversation after the fantasy he just had.

“So Josh, you’re looking for a job. You have any experience as a barista?” Patrick asks. He sits down opposite of Josh, a certain closeness floats in the air in the whole shop, but it only hits Josh now. There’s a homey atmosphere, Josh has no idea how that’s possible but he feels at ease.

“I do, I should have brought a CV with me, I just…” he mutters out. Bringing a CV was actually impossible, he didn’t know where to print one. And printing anything would be another splurge.

“It’s okay,” Patrick interrupts him, “you didn’t even know if we were looking for new employees. Tell me where you have worked in the past.”

Patrick’s relaxed and understanding approach both surprises and intimidates Josh. He’s experienced such a behavior only a handful of times.

“Well, for the last couple of months I’ve worked at two diners, a coffee shop, and a pizza place,” once he begins listing Josh realizes how bleak it all sounds, “Before that I worked part-time at a coffee shop back home in Columbus, I spent about five years there. I would probably still be working there if I hadn’t moved away.”

“You know how to work an espresso machine?” Patrick asks, a question Josh is happy to be able to answer affirmatively.

“Yes, I do,” Josh finally allows himself to smile.

“Okay, then. You’re going to need a few days to learn how everything works here, where everything is, but I think you’ll do just fine. We’ll see how this first week goes, if that works for you,” Patrick suggests, “Rush hour is starting in about an hour, and I don’t expect you to be extremely fast, but it will give you a chance to see what it’s like here. If you have any questions, feel free to ask,” Patrick speaks as he stands up, signaling Josh to follow him towards the counter. Josh rushes to his feet and follows along, “Let me introduce you to Mikey. He’ll show you around, while I look for a tip jar,” he adds.

“Alright,” Josh nods, as his nervousness returns. He has no idea what this Mikey fellow will be like. Josh’s nose piercing and vibrant red hair tend to draw people off. He immediately thinks of the worst.

“I forgot to ask, you said you moved, so where are you staying? Do you have your own place, or…” Patrick questioned him as they approached the counter.

“I’m staying at the Cascade motel, it’s quite far from here. If it works out, I’ll try to find a place nearer,” Josh says.

“I know that place. You’re right, it is far from here,” Patrick agrees, seconded by the sound of him clearing his throat, “I jumped the gun a bit. Can you start today?”

“Of course.”

*

At first Josh thought that it was a joke. But it turned out that he had finally found a place where his sexuality wouldn’t be an issue. That is the first reason why Josh gets to breathe out.

As he gets to know Mikey and Patrick, Josh relaxes. He is more relaxed than he’s ever been. After a couple of hours around them he even joins in on the teasing match they seem to have going on. He gets introduced to some of the regulars, people come in so often and get the same order every time, people with whom he should be on the first name basis. Even the guy who joked that Josh can be a murderer, the not so tall blond man who evidently mostly comes in to flirt with Patrick, seems like a decent man.

But of all the people he meets Brendon, the barista in the afternoon shift, and apparently the guy Mikey has a crush on, has to be the most interesting person. Brendon tends to make jokes that are slightly more intrusive than the others, and he never stops. Nothing is serious when it comes to Brendon, every subject is to be joked about, everyone is to be joked with.

Josh finally finds himself surrounded by positivity. It’s the first time this has happened ever since he quit his job back home in Columbus.

Out of everything that happened today, the most surprising thing would have to be Patrick inviting him to stay in his apartment. It might as well be the nicest thing that has happened to Josh since he left home. And yes, he wonders if it’s just Patrick taking pity on him, but he doesn’t dare to continue that train of thought. If Patrick didn’t take pity on him, Josh would’ve in so much trouble.

After his shift is over Josh travels back to the motel and he packs the little he has, shoving everything in his worn out duffel bag. Besides that, he also has two boxes with personal effects, things he couldn’t allow himself to leave behind. Simple things like photographs, books, cards he got for his birthday, random little mementoes remind him of the people he once thought he loved. It’s funny how little of the materialistic things that surround us we actually need and want.

He sets everything in the corner, too scared to look at any of the things because of how much they remind him of the home he once had. It only dawns on him now that he hasn’t called his parents since he left for Chicago. He hasn’t had the need to hear any of their voices, not his brother’s, not his sisters’. He had an easier time dealing with whatever he’s dealing with during this period of time. He doesn’t miss them at all; he wonders if he’s supposed to, he wonders if it’s wrong that he doesn’t feel anything about his family, the people he grew up around.

It bothers him, it eats him up inside, he was looking forward to lying down after the eventful day he’s had, he finally found a job where it looks like he can stay. The people are nice, he has the experience necessary, his whole first shift went better than he had hoped. Yet because of his screwed up state of mind he cannot enjoy the success of the day.

Josh spends an hour lying in bed before he has to leave for the café again. He has a total of an hour and twenty minutes of travel across the city before he can reach his destination. It’s further away that he hoped it would be, it’s why Patrick’s invitation was more than welcomed. It will certainly give him a push, Josh is sure that he will be able to find an apartment of his own if he manages to work through the week.

Josh’s hopes are up, he is quite sure that he’s getting ahead of himself again. Or maybe he’s not at all.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I can't believe I got a chapter finished in less than a week. I hope it goes this smoothly from now on too.  
> Thank you for reading. Comments and kudos are much appreciated.  
> ENJOY

  


It's been three weeks since Josh fist stepped into Robusta Café not knowing what to expect, and it has been working out quite well so far. Much to his surprise he's been hitting it off with everyone, his boss, all of his coworkers, all of the regulars. Everyone in the shop is family, something Josh hadn't encountered in a workplace before. Everyone is supportive of each other, they're all ready to help anyone out at any given second. Upon the realization of this concept Josh realized that it’s what he needs most in his life. He didn’t have the privilege of a supportive family, so he’s appreciative of the chance to make supportive friends.

This was when he started to feel as if his life is a game of Tetris and the building blocks were finally falling in the correct places. Friendships are being made, he has a somewhat secure living situation (at least until Patrick decides to either move in with Pete or marry him, both are things Pete continuously hints at), and he has a budding crush on a boy who is incredibly nice. It doesn't seem as if he'd have to be relocating and searching for a new job any time soon.

Who would've thought that this would be where he'd end up. Then again, this moment has been two years in the making. Karma has finally started rewarding him for everything he had to endure in the last four or five years. He can’t even remember anymore when it all started going downhill. While he was in high school? Before that? When did he start feeling like an outsider? Whose fault was it that it happened, did he alienate himself from everyone around him, from his family?

Josh tends to over think things, especially when he’s spending time alone, like this morning. He’s going to work all by himself, it has happened several times so far. Patrick is beginning to spend more and more nights at Pete’s place therefore Josh has the place to himself, and while it’s lovely to relax fully, spending the night alone also means no company while walking to work the next morning. And while he is happy for Patrick, it tends to mix with dreading the over thinking. It hits him worst in the morning, after he wakes up. He relies on Patrick keeping him company to take his mind off things.

On days when Patrick isn’t there to open the coffee house, the responsibility falls on either Josh or Mikey, whoever gets there first. Josh was stunned to be trusted with such a duty so early on, he always fears that he might forget to do something. It’s why he’s quite happy to see that Mikey has already arrived. But Patrick trusts him, more than anyone, far more than Josh trusts himself. He trusted him before he even got to know him, he invited him to move in so quickly.

“Good morning,” Josh greets Mikey as he enters the shop.

“Hey Josh. How are you today?” Mikey returns. For a moment Josh watches him as he wipes the counter, the sound of the cloth and spritz bottle bringing him to a more normal state. He forgets everything that’s going on in his head in a matter of moments.

“I’m good,” Josh answers as he unzips his jacket, “You seem cheery,” he then says, rushing to grab an apron and get to work.

“I’m not particularly cheery. Just… not unhappy. Proud maybe… And I'm pretty sure Brendon will tell you all about that later,” Mikey jokes, his words coming out in a form of a babble, “I made you tea, left it in the back room.”

“Thanks...” Josh isn't sure why this happened, or what to say in response. He decides it's just Mikey's great mood.

Yes, the overthinking ends once Josh comes into the shop. It revolves around whether or not there's an other activity to occupy his mind. Josh knows exactly what it is, but he's too afraid to use the A word. A means Josh needs to see a therapist, and Josh still cannot afford that, especially since he knows that he can't live at Patrick's forever. Putting money aside is more important at the moment.

“You okay?” Mikey asks him, probably noticing Josh’s transition into normality. His face needs a few moments to take note of what his mind is saying.

“Yeah... yes. Uh, you know, regular stuff,” he shrugs.

“You're once again having trouble with your anxiety because you're spending time alone,” the way Mikey says it, it's not a question. He knows exactly what Josh's problem is, they've had this conversation a million times in the three weeks since he started working in the café. No matter what Brendon says, Mikey is the person Josh is closest with, he’s easy to talk to and the trouble with the unmentionable A is something they have in common. The only difference is that Mikey has had better luck with it in the past, “If you don’t want to talk about it again, it’s fine.”

“I was having an awesome morning, which is even unusual, but then I started thinking about how I got here,” Josh tries to sum it up. This period of time while he and Mikey are opening the shop is the only time they can talk, usually before Dallon makes the delivery, Dallon’s positivity let’s them shake off the seriousness afterwards. When Patrick is around the discussion is there too, but it’s not as honest because everyone knows that Patrick worries. Josh doesn’t want him to worry, especially not when Patrick has given him so much.

“I know that having a heart-to-heart with Brendon can be close to impossible,” Mikey says, rolling his eyes, “but his experience is closest to yours. The rest of us can only guess what you’ve gone through. I can get him to sit down with you, if you want,” he suggests, “But I’m pretty sure that the bottom line will be the same.”

“I’ll think about it. I’ll let you know,” Josh offers a smile; he closes the subject with that one small gesture, “Where do I begin this morning.”

“I’m gonna sweep the floors, you can restock whatever I’ve forgotten.”

*

The thing that Josh has gotten used to more than anything is the rush hour at the coffee house. People just keep pouring in and out of the shop at the end of his shift, he likes that he gets to end the work day on a bang. It also gives him a lot of things to think about on his way back home, trying to connect the orders to the faces, trying not to be proud of how he flirts his way into getting bigger tips. He likes the work he does. He likes that he gets to mingle with so many people. What he also likes is that it tests his barista abilities, his memory, and his alertness. And the teamwork is also nice, a side effect of his childhood and teens is that he likes being a part of groups, he likes that he gets to belong somewhere.

What he likes even more is going back to Patrick’s apartment, Josh doesn’t dare call it home because he knows that he’ll have to get the hell out of there soon. He feels like a burden the longer he stays. And that raises two red flags. One, Josh cannot afford such an endeavor right now, landlords usually ask for three months rent upfront, he cannot even afford one. Two, Josh recently realized that living on his own would mean going back to battling anxiety 24/7, on the contrary of battling it only 8 hours a day. With Patrick around (when he's around) it's much easier. Patrick's cat helps too, not only is Mario a good company, it also gives Josh little chores that he is more than happy to complete. But what helps most of all is Tyler, the upstairs neighbor that Josh has a crush on.

It might not be the best time, he knows that there are more important things to work out, but the heart wants what it wants. And what his heart wants is a five foot nine short haired cutie that usually has the entire spectrum of colors all over his clothes. Tyler is special. He is shy and he's reserved until you keep a conversation with him for more than five sentences. When Tyler relaxes enough around people, he can talk their ears off. Josh loves the fact that he got Tyler to relax around him the third time they saw each other.

The first time they met was one morning before work. They managed to chat a few lines more than what Patrick said was Tyler's usual dosage, which made them a little late for work.

The second time wasn't just a stumbling upon each other. Josh had just gotten back from work, he barely had time to go to the bathroom when he heard a knock on the door. That afternoon Tyler was covered in shades of green, he was asking if he could borrow some coffee grounds (“how does one borrow coffee grounds” was Josh's first thought). Then Tyler added the words “if you have any” to the end of his question and Josh almost didn't manage to contain a chuckle. Of course they have coffee, coffee is all they know.

As Josh scooped the grounds into the mug Tyler brought along they chatted, carrying a very simple conversation, not as in depth as Josh would've wanted, but still enjoyable.

The third time, the time Tyler finally relaxed in front of Josh happened the following day. It was an impulse, if he were honest, Josh didn't plan it. He just... he just thought about Tyler all morning. Then he just bought a package of house roasted coffee grounds from the shop with some of his tip money. Then he just kind of wrecked his head about it on his way home.

The moment Andy gave him his change Josh knew he was fucked. “For a friend,” he had said, that was the only excuse he can think of, and no one questioned him even though they knew Josh hadn't made any friends beside them yet, he admitted it himself.

He felt silly as he walked up the stairs to Tyler's place, even contemplated leaving the package on Tyler's doorstep and running back to the apartment, but that seemed like a coward move, so Josh stayed after he rang the doorbell, not really knowing what to say. But as Tyler answered the door and offered a smile Josh knew exactly what to say. And his statement about how decent new neighbors come to introduce themselves was enough to get him invited in. There had to be some sort of magic happening because they spent the rest of the afternoon talking, and sure, Tyler was the one who spoke more but that's what Josh enjoyed most about the whole exchange. Well, except for the fact that he got to see some of Tyler's art. Tyler is an amazing artist, with no exaggeration whatsoever his art is the best thing that Josh’s eyes have seen in his lifetime.

Josh think about that afternoon a lot, even when he's at work. He holds it dear to his heart as an example that it's not just him... Okay maybe it is. It's most likely just him, but still, Josh likes to think about the fact that for the first time ever, a boy he has a crush on doesn't hate his guts. A victory in his eyes. He hasn't experienced anything like that, he is used to staying and admiring from afar; boys he develops feelings for never reciprocate. No, Josh doesn't guard his virginity with great effort, he's had a boyfriend or two over the years, but he always had one foot out of the door when it comes to those relationships. It never felt special, so he kept it casual. The men he fancied, they were semi special, he has decided because Tyler is the most special of them all. There's something about him, he glows, he oozes positivity.

Tyler is one of a kind. Tyler makes Josh forget to breathe. Tyler... is a friend, Josh reminds himself. Tyler is a friend he met two weeks ago and he can't afford to loose.

But Tyler also does things that make Josh think that there might be something going on there, even though Josh ultimately knows that it's his over thinking that reigns over that train of thought. Tyler lets Josh come into his personal space and look at his art. Tyler comes into the shop to chat with Josh. He brings him leftovers from his family diners. He sometimes waits for Josh to finish his shift and walks home with him. He tells him about really cool art exhibits, and when Josh invites himself along, Tyler doesn't tell him if it's a date or not. It seemed like a date to Josh. Then again, over thinking.

Today, Josh's thoughts about Tyler start up as soon as his shift ends. There's usually a several hour break between the two, Josh takes that time to reflect on his work day and the interactions he had during. He has no idea why, but today Tyler just pops up in his head and he's impossible to shake off. He rushes to clock out and leave, looking forward when he gets the chance to try out the mp3 player Brendon gave him when he came in for work today. Brendon’s thoughtfulness was the reason Mikey was so “proud” today.

But Josh doesn't get to try the mp3 player. As soon as he exits the coffee shop he sees that Tyler's waiting for him, carrying his books as well as a huge blank canvas. Josh cannot help but congratulate himself on how right on schedule his thoughts were.

“Hi,” Tyler greets him, and Josh knows that something’s wrong. Tyler’s usually in a good mood, sometimes hyper, but always smiling from ear to ear.

“Hey,” Josh returns and or a moment wonders if he should ask or not. Screw it, “Everything okay?”

“Yes. I just had a really long day at school,” he exhales, “I wanna take a walk, was wondering if you’d want to come with. If not, I’ll still walk you home.”

“I'd love to take a walk,” Josh agrees, dismissing the long day he’s had in a blink of an eye, “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really. We can talk about anything else though.”

“Need help with those?” Josh asks, pointing at Tyler’s stack of books.

“Sure.”

*

Patrick comes home around 11pm, sometimes before, sometimes after depending on how many customers are still in the shop and how much work there is left to do at the end of the day. Josh uses the time without Patrick at the apartment trying his best not to be a burden to live with. He makes sure that it's tidy, that the laundry is done, that the cat is fed and happy. Sometimes he even tries to make food that at least resembles homemade since they rarely get the time to eat a decent meal at work; Patrick especially - he still works the full days.

After the walk with Tyler, Josh feels particularly tired. He still gets pain in his calves and feet while on work, he hasn't accustomed to the faster than usual pace of the coffee shop. The walk was the cherry on top, but there was no way he would've missed it. When he arrives at the apartment he manages to feed the cat and take a shower before he falls sound asleep on the couch, the best sleep he's had in a while. He wakes up when he hears the door shut, Patrick has finally come home. He raises his head in confusion, blinking until his eyesight comes back to normal.

“I'm so sorry,” Patrick says, keeping his voice low.

How could he do this. He has never been more mad at himself. Josh had a plan as to how the afternoon was meant be spent. He was going to do some laundry and then he was going to go to the store three blocks down and get ingredients to make a chili con carne. It was going to be an epic meal.

“No it's okay. I... I didn't plan to fall asleep, I sat down after I took a shower and... I had chores to do, and I was going to cook something,” Josh speaks as he rubs the caruncles of his eyes, slowly sitting up.

“It's not a big deal Josh.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize. I really don't need you to do chores, or cook. I didn't invite you here so you can pick up all my slack,” Patrick speaks, |I appreciate it, but you don’t have to do any of it.”

“I don't wanna inconvenience you.”

“I like having someone in the apartment. And don't forget that I'm inconveniencing you by only being able to offer the couch,” Patrick offers a smile and it comforts Josh, “We can order in from somewhere, maybe try a new place every night.”

“Okay.”

“What are you in the mood for? Italian food maybe? Mexican?”

“Either,” Josh says, “And I like the couch.”


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an asshole who hasn't updated in almost three months. I don't even have a good reason for it. Thank you for your patience.  
> But I have been able to write again lately, fingers crossed this winning streak continues.
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! They mean a lot, and they motivate me to continue this (in those moments when I actually can).
> 
> If anyone's wondering, by my calculations Jack and John should start popping up in Part Five, but that's about how far I've come with planning. I did say I was an asshole, right?
> 
> Anyway, ENJOY.

  
  


It wasn't originally in his plan, but Josh still hasn't called home. The longer he goes with no contact, the lighter he feels; like his family is a problem he doesn't have to deal with. He's pretty sure that it's not just him, and that loads of people don't like their families, Josh just wonders why he had to be in that group, why did he have to barely get along with them.  
  
But instead of dealing with it, he focuses on other things. Like getting more tips from customers and figuring out what movie he and Tyler should watch next. Nice, positive things.  
  
This morning, Josh is debating whether he and Tyler should watch an indie film, or a fantasy mixed with action TV show. He forgot the titles that Tyler gave him, but he remembers the summaries well and he is slightly more drawn to the TV show because of two reasons. Tyler told him that it has an ensemble cast from all over the world, and Josh likes both diversity and ensemble casts. Also, TV shows can take seasons to end on the contrary of movies that are usually around two hours long, and Josh would love if he gets the chance to spend more time alone with Tyler. A little selfish of him, but he's taking advantage of being given the choice. Why wouldn't he, it's not hurting anyone for now. In the long run, when Tyler falls in love with someone who isn't Josh, Josh's heart will burst into million pieces.  
  
He is thinking about this while walking to work, Patrick right beside him but strangely quiet, and Josh wonders if something happened with Pete again (he hopes that it hasn’t). He occupies his mind with Tyler, TV shows and being selfish in order to fill the silence. He noticed how Patrick is lost in his own thoughts even before they left the apartment and asked if there was something bothering him. Patrick said that they’d talk later, there’s not a lot that Josh can do about it until ‘later’ arrives.  
  
Josh helps Patrick open the coffee shop, Josh starts sweeping the floors, making sure the tables and chairs are in order, while Patrick takes care of the register, Wi-Fi, and the coffee beans. Mikey arrives in the meantime; he begins his work day by filing the napkin holders and the sugar packets plates with more of their wide selection.  
  
They continue working on their tasks until the time arrives for Patrick to receive the citrus fruit delivery, the supplier parks in the alley behind the coffee shop and needs help placing everything in one of the shop's fridges.  
Once Patrick enters the storage room, Mikey rushes to talk to Josh.  
  
“Hey,” Mikey whispers, “What’s up with him?” he asks, gesturing towards the back room with his elbow.  
  
“I have no idea,” Josh responds as he continues to wipe the table in front of him, “He wouldn’t say anything on our way here. He just said that we’d talk later.”  
  
“Later when?” Mikey queries again, his words met by Josh shrugging, “This is worrying, I’m worried, Josh”  
  
“What is?” the words surprise them both, and they turn around to face the intruder.  
  
“Dallon!” Mikey exclaims, “You scared the shit out of me.”  
  
“Sorry,” Dallon says the word using the same amount of drama in his voice, “Patrick said to come straight in.”  
  
“It’s okay. Just don’t rat us out,” Mikey says, walking past Josh so he can help Dallon with the baked goods.  
  
“Rat what out?” Dallon asks “Do I look like I know what you’re talking about?”  
  
“You didn’t notice anything?” Josh is the one who speaks next.  
  
“Everything seems normal to me. But apparently I’m missing something.”  
  
“Aren’t you going to ask what that thing is?”  
  
“It’s easier for me not to rat anyone out, if I don’t know what I’m not supposed to say.”  
  
  
* 

 

“Hey guys. Can you stay a couple of minutes? I want to talk to you all about something,” as Patrick speaks, Josh’s entire life flashes before his eyes. Patrick’s closing the coffee house. That’s why he was so spacey all day, it has to be. Now Josh will be out of a job and… “Brendon, don’t look at me like that. It’s nothing bad, it’s just something that I want your opinion on. All of you,” Patrick rolls his eyes, cracking his first smile of the day.  
  
Okay, so maybe Josh got ahead of himself just a tiny bit.  
  
After the rush hour the number of customers drops significantly for about an hour before it picks up again, and Patrick takes advantage of this time to conduct the meeting. That way Andy and Brendon can serve while still, technically, participating in the meeting.  
  
“You’re scaring us, Patrick,” Mikey says.  
  
“It’s nothing serious, I want to ask you guys something,” Patrick announces then witnesses everyone turn towards him, “Oh-kay. Mrs. Fowler is selling the space next door. The travel agency will close next week.”  
  
“Right,” Andy urges for him to continue.  
  
“Since business has been going way better than we expected…”  
  
“Thanks to that blogger,” Brendon adds, and both Patrick and Josh smile, considering only they know who the blogger is.  
  
“I was wondering if you guys think it’s a good idea to get the space and extend the shop. We’ll hire two more baristas, extend both shifts for an hour or two… I feel like there’s need for both.”  
  
“It’s ultimately your decision, why are you asking us?” Josh chips in.  
  
“Cause I like to think of myself as your friend more than as your boss. It’s my decision yes, but you guys are the ones who’ll have to make changes to your lives, your biorhythm.”  
  
“I think we can all agree to love this idea under one condition,” Andy speaks, a soft smirk on his face, “If you stop overworking yourself after this transition is over, then I’m all for it. No more working all day long. Take some free time to bother Pete. Do we have a deal?”  
  
“Also, can I hire and train the next barista?” Brendon throws another question before Patrick manages to answer Andy’s, typical Brendon behavior.

Josh loves this kind of situations. He likes the relationships he’s witnessing, he enjoys the dynamics between this group of friends, his friends. Moments like this, when they’re all in the same spot, when he gets too feel the closeness; these are his favorite moments. It’s amazing how far he’s come since he moved here, how better his life is since he met these guys. He wouldn’t trade it for anything.  
  
“Sure, why the hell not.”

“Awesome,” Brendon smiles, “You’re now dating someone who’s in charge of something,” he says to Mikey.  
  
“Mikey the new manager, he’s in charge in the mornings and until I come in,” Patrick declares, looking over at everyone to make sure that no one’s objecting on this decision, “I’ll be here for the afternoon shift, until closing.”

Mikey has been here the longest, he deserves to be promoted. Josh is happy for him. Josh is also happy that he won’t be getting any new responsibilities.

“Oh, yes! I like that!” Mikey smiles at Brendon.  
  
“Class dismissed,” Patrick says, heading to the back room.  
  
  
*  
  
  
When the time comes, Josh places the receipt he uses as bookmark between the pages of the Ann Rule book he borrowed from Patrick, then leaves the book on the coffee table. He changes into the jeans he couldn’t wait to get out of this morning, throwing on a clean shirt, before he grabs his coat and heads out of the apartment.

Josh never expected to take Mikey up on the offer to sit down with him and Brendon and talk stuff out. He still can’t believe that he actually told Mikey anything about what’s bothering him, let alone that he’s going to talk about it on purpose for the first time.

Before he even reaches out for the keys, he leaves a note for Patrick, telling him he's out for dinner with the happy couple. He then walks out of the apartment with great care, making sure the cat hasn't followed him out, then locks the door. He rushes down the stairs, he doesn't want to be late, but after seeing Tyler walking into the building, carrying paint and books, all his worries disappear.

Where is he going? Why, again? Can't he just stay with Tyler?

"Hey you," Tyler offers him a smile right away.

"Hi," the word slips through Josh's lips in an oddly shy manner. He isn't shy in front of Tyler. Tyler might be the only person on this planet that Josh could relax in front of from the beginning. He's had reservations with everyone, not Tyler though.

"Where are you headed?"

"Meeting up with some of the guys from work," Josh says, excluding the crucial 'to discuss the root cause of my anxiety' part of the sentence.

"Fun," Tyler smiles again, genuineness in his voice.

"Sure," Josh smiles back.

"Wanna come over after?" Tyler offers, "Watch something, or talk, or... I dunno. Anything."

"I don't know how long I'm gonna take, I don't wanna keep you up. And I have work in the morning."

"Right. And I have classes," Tyler remembers, looking away wondering how he could've forgotten that.

"I'm sorry," Josh responds.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"Maybe we can talk and watch something after work and classes tomorrow," Josh suggests, trying to save the moment. It was a great moment after all.

"Of course."

"Walk home together?" he asks once more.

"Sounds great. I can't wait."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Tyler says, keeping his eyes on him until Josh's exited the building.

 

*

 

Josh finds the diner easily, he knew what place Mikey was talking about when they set the time and place. It's a medium-sized place that's always open, decorated in that colorful 50's style that Josh both loves and hates. Loves cause he likes things in vibrant colors, hates because working at one of these was a nightmare.

When he arrives, the guys are already there. They have picked a table in the back, but they're easy to find, if you know to look for Mikey's favorite baseball cap.

"Evening," he greets them as he approaches the table.

"Hey Joshy. What are you doing here?" Brendon questions, still oblivious to the deal.

"Brendon," Mikey says with a ‘duh’ intonation.

"Oh! Oh?" Brendon looks at Mikey with shock, "Why didn't you say something sooner? I wouldn't be reluctant to try to help. I like Josh."

"Sit down Josh. Let's order, I'm starving. It's on me."

"He's showing off because he's manager now," Brendon whispers.

"Sure," Mikey deadpans then rolls his eyes, a gesture that Brendon answers by leaving a kiss on Mikey’s cheek.

He then turns towards Josh, letting his boyfriend scan through the menu, and asks the two most important questions of them all.

“What’s bothering you, Josh? What can I do to help you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could've been longer, but hey....  
> Thanks to the Lovely, Little, Lonely album cause without it, this would still be dialogue only notes stuck in an Evernote text note for weeks.


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm as good at foreshadowing what's going to happen in this chapter, as GoT is at foreshadowing Dany's pregnancy. Sorry.
> 
> I know this hasn't been updated in ages, and I apologize. I forgot for a while why I like fanfiction, till a Sana/Dickon fic reminded me.  
> I hope this hiatus won't repeat itself, but I can't really guarantee anything. Sorry for that too.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the longest chapter I've ever written.

  


Josh didn’t sleep at all that night. He couldn’t, he just lay on the couch with Mario on his chest. After the talk with Brendon there were too many things for him to process. There was truth behind everything Brendon said, it was time to think about the things they concluded. The way he was raised programmed Josh to feel like a failure. He was told he’s special until the moment his family started disagreeing with his life choices, that’s when they started side-eyeing him. To them, their reputation was more important than Josh’s mental state. Fuck that.

He knows more about the world now, he knows that he doesn’t owe anything to anyone. He isn’t supposed to make people like him, he isn’t supposed to pretend to be something he’s not, he isn’t supposed to suck up to anyone, he isn’t supposed to fill any criteria that society has made seem normal. You aren’t supposed to quiet your thoughts in order to be perceived as the happy go-getter type. Be who you are. People get to know someone if they want to know them, no matter what: Mikey wanted to get to know him, so he made conversation; Tyler wanted to get to know him, so he made conversation; Josh wanted to get to know Pete and vice-versa, so now he knows Pete’s biggest secret... That’s how things are. Josh doesn’t feel fake anymore, with these people Josh has learned to be himself. And yes, his confidence isn’t through the roof, and his anxiety makes sudden comebacks, but he’s working on it. His friends are helping him work on it.

It’s morning now, and he’s supposed to get up in an hour. He doesn’t feel anywhere near as tired as he should, he is in a great mood. Josh slowly slips his hands under the cat, after he sits up he places it on the couch, where his feet used to rest. He decides to cook breakfast, try the pancake recipe he wrote down a couple of days ago, he didn’t splurged for a cheap zester and cottage cheese from his tip money for nothing.

By the time Patrick’s alarm goes off, Josh has made coffee, he is done with the pancake batter, and he’s heating up the skillet. He’s in the kitchen, doing his best to navigate himself towards a delicious breakfast in the cramped up space.

“Morning!” Patrick greets him when he exits his room, heading for the couch to pet the cat right away. He has a semi-confused look on his face when he glimpses towards the kitchen to check on what Josh is doing.

“Morning,” Josh responds, looking up from the foamy batter, “I’m making lemon and cottage cheese pancakes.”

“That sounds awesome, but you shouldn’t have,” Patrick says, “I thought we agreed...”

“I saw this recipe online, they did it with ricotta, but I’m pretty sure it’ll work this way too,” Josh cuts him off to explain, “I really wanted to cook something.”

“Oh? When did you get up?” Patrick questions as he puts Mario down, slowly walking towards the counter that separates the tiny kitchen from the living room.

“Had too much on my mind, I didn’t sleep,” the way Josh speaks is rushed, almost hyper, like shrugging something off the moment it’s said, “But everything’s fine now.”

“As long as you’re in a good mood,” Patrick states, offering a smile.

“I’m in more of a fuck everything mood, but that doesn’t translate into my current situation, it isn’t meant for the present.”

“Oh. Been there, done that,” Patrick speaks earnestly, “But it was Brendon’s influence.”

“Hey, me too,” Josh smiles, excitement on his face, “He’s good at that.”

“Up top,” Patrick smiles back, raising his hand for a high five that’s immediately meet, “What can I help with?” 

“I got everything under control,” Josh admits, shaking his head.

“Josh, we agreed, we do things equally,” Patrick reminds him.

“Right,” he takes a breath before he decides, spinning around himself while looking around, trying to find something he can let Patrick do, “You can cut up some fruit while I make the pancakes.”

“Done,” Patrick nods, satisfied to receive this job.

“Wait,” Josh’s statement shocks Patrick a little, “we need to feed the cat.”

“I’ll take care of that,” he says, heading towards the spot where he feeds the cat. He’s kneeling over them, scooping dry food into the bowl, then checking on the water fountain, “You’re not coming into work today, by the way.”

“What?”

“When I couldn’t sleep, you took care of everything, even got Tyler to ditch classes and help. Now I’m taking care of everything, you stay home and rest,” Patrick’s lips quirk into a smile.

“Patrick, I can’t just...” Josh begins, but he gets interrupted.

“Josh, just take the day and rest!”

“Okay.”

 

*

 

It takes him a while, but Josh finally falls asleep after Patrick leaves for work. He does so in the most unexpected position, something Josh has only seen in movies: with a book over his head.

When sleep doesn’t immediately come, Josh picks up the Ann Rule book he’s trying to finish, and starts reading. After several paragraphs, covering his burning eyes with the book for a few moments seems like a good idea. He does it once, then twice, even the times and he then picks the read back up. He never plans to fall asleep under the pages.

A few hours later, a gentle knock on the front door wakes Josh up. He quickly glances at the watch on the wall, it shows noon. No one he knows would be able to stop by at this time: the boys are incredibly busy at this time and Tyler has classes. Unless…

Josh slowly gets up, fixing his clothes, trying to unwrinkle them, an attempt to look more presentable. He runs a hand through his hair, rubs the corners of his eyes with the other, unblurring his vision.

“Hi. I ran into Patrick this morning, he said you weren’t feeling well, so I’m here to entertain,” Tyler immediately speaks when Josh opens the door. Josh eyes him from head to toe in disbelief, deciding that Tyler looks most beautiful in sweats, hoody, a paper bag hugged against his chest, and his ever-present backpack on.

“You have classes,” Josh returns as he steps back to let Tyler in.

“Classes schmasses,” the words are said through a laugh, as he enters the apartment.

“You keep skipping because of me,” Josh’s tone of voice gives him up, he feels like an ass for being a bad influence.

“Not really,” Tyler responds, “I’ve actually gone to class more often ever since I met you. I can’t fake going to school just to walk you home.”

“Is that how it is?”

“Yep,” Tyler smiles, leaving the bad he’s carrying on the kitchen counter, “Now tell me Josh, chicken noodle or vegetable tofu, I brought both. They’re both from Cozy Noodles, it was packed, but I have a way in.”

“Soup?” there’s evident wonderment on Josh’s face.

“The best cold remedy.”

“I don’t have a cold,” Josh doesn’t really want to burden Tyler with the confession he’s about to make, “I wasn’t feeling well mental health-wise and couldn’t sleep.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Tyler suggests, and Josh is surprised by how casual Tyler sounds, “I’m somewhat an expert, been seeing a therapist since high school.”

When he’s confession is met with understanding, and with another confession, this one from Tyler, Josh relaxes again. It’s amazing how good of a friend Tyler is being. Josh has never had anyone in his life as accepting as the people he’s surrounded with now.

“I talked to Brendon, he helped me out,” Josh says, “But I’ll keep you in mind for the next time. And trust me, there will be,” he adds and seconds it with a nod, walking into the kitchen to grab two spoons, “So you have a soup guy?”

“A girl. I get her Robusta, she gets me Cozy Noodles.”

“I’ve only seen you get coffee twice,” Josh narrows his eyes, pretending to have caught Tyler in a lie.

“My services are mostly needed at night, during long group study sessions,” Tyler speaks, then allows his lips to quirk into a smile, “Pick a soup and tell me what we’re watching.”

“Vegetable tofu. And we’re watching the diverse show.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he winks at him, as he pulls out a laptop from his backpack, “Sorry I woke you up.” 

“Don’t worry about it.”

 

*

 

It’s the next morning and Josh can’t wait to go back to work. He radiates positive energy, that’s how great of a day he had with Tyler. So good, that he can’t help but smile at everyone. It’s a good day for getting tips.

And it not like something major had happened. They didn’t even talk a lot, but just being near him… Josh scolds himself for getting so lovey out of nowhere. He spent time with Tyler, he should keep it at that, and not get lost into fantasy land, especially not so early in the morning.

This morning Patrick is meeting up with the owner of the shop space next door, so they are alone for a few hours. This is the perfect time to catch up with Mikey, see if he missed out on something the previous day.

Walking into the cafe feels like coming home after a long trip. Mikey has already opened the shop and is now chatting with Dallon who is drinking his morning cup of black.

“Hey guys,” he greets them when he walks in, a smile on his face.

“Hey Josh,” Dallon returns the greeting.

“Feeling better?” Mikey questions.

“Can’t even compare.”

“Before we started dating,” Mikey begins, and Josh catches Dallon rolling his eyes. Mikey’s been starting many statements that way recently, “I didn’t for a moment think that Brendon can get deep, honest and wise.”

“Don’t forget helpful,” Dallon chimes in.

“Hey!” Mikey points a finger as a threat, then slides Dallon’s cup of coffee away as punishment, “You’ll get this back when you behave.”

“And the mirroring has begun,” he responds, raising up from the stool to get his coffee back.

Looks like Mikey forgets how tall Dallon actually is.

 

*

 

The madness of the period between eleven am and three pm has begun, they’re all swamped with orders. Every single day the number of people who come in surprises him. Josh looks at the customers only to note a detail that will help him identify them later, he just takes the orders, makes them and gives back the correct change, all while trying to keep a smile on his face. It takes him a while to notice, and then process who just walked into the coffee shop. It’s too late when he does.

When he does, they are sitting in the corner and watching his every move. No one’s come to order, or even let their presence known. Suddenly, the entire progress he made in the last few days has gone down the drain. It all comes back. Then the shock settles in.

“Shit,” Josh mutters out as realization strikes.

They’re here for him, they’re here to follow on the threat they made when he left. Josh doesn’t want to go back to the house he grew up in and then get forced into going back to college. They never understood. They won’t get that he likes it here, he likes these people, and he likes the fact that he has a job that makes him happy. He likes the job he’s got. He’s started to find his place in the world, he can’t go back on that now. He knows that they’ll hit him with the good old ‘what will people think’ line. They’ve been using that line for years, he grew up focusing on what people think about him. It’s been four months since the last time he heard it, that was the night he left. He’s had enough of that attitude. 

It gets too much, all the negative thoughts in his head and no way to stop them. Josh doesn’t get a lot of panic attacks, he has no idea how to deal with them. So when he gets one, it almost takes him down. Almost. Josh tries breathe through it and keeps working, he tries to focus extra hard on anything else, even though he read somewhere that that’s not what he’s supposed to do.

“Josh, are you okay?” Andy is the first one to notice that something is off, staring down at Josh’s shaking hands.

“Just fine,” he manages a response, taking in deep breaths as he scoops fresh beans into the grinder.

“You don’t seem like it,” it’s evident that Andy’s trying to speak softly, so he won’t further cause panic, “It’d be better if you sit down. Go to the stock room, I’ll finish the order and I’ll come to check on you.”

“Okay,” Josh stutters out, “It’s a large black with two sugars for Sasha, the girl with the purple streak.”

“I got it, go sit down, please,” Andy says calmly, but the expression on his face shows worry.

Josh walks into the back room as fast as he can and he takes Andy’s advice, he sits down on the couch. He places his feet on the edge of the cushion and hugs his knees, he read somewhere that this position can help, but now Josh thinks he read a bunch of bullshit. He stays in that position just in case, expecting for Andy to be the one to come check on him like he said, hoping that he won’t ask anything. Josh can’t explain anything right now. He can’t talk. He doesn’t want to. The only thing he can do is tell himself to calm down. He can manage a few weird, he’s going to ask him to call Brendon. Brendon will know how to deal with this situation.

And that’s exactly who shows up. Brendon, and Patrick too sure, but Brendon. Brendon helped him few days ago, he can solve this right away. At least that’s what Josh first thinks.

“Breathe,” Brendon says the one word that is exceptionally useless in this sort of situations.

“He knows that he should breathe, Bren, that’s not helping,” Patrick chips in, trying not to continue to sass.

“You do it,” Brendon says it as if he knows best and there is no better way to go about it.

Patrick takes a seat on the couch, right next to Josh, slouching slightly to make eye contact.

“Josh, whatever’s happening, we can solve it. We’re here for you. This thing won’t make the world end, and I’ll make sure of it, okay,” Patrick speaks in a calm voice.

Josh’s brain switches its focus on Patrick. He can help, he’s good at solving issues, he makes him feel safe. Josh tried his best to concentrate on those thoughts for a moment, a moment long enough to take a decent breath.

“Okay,” Josh says, his breathing slowing down, it maybe even has a chance of going back to normal.

“There you go. You don’t have to worry,” Patrick continues with the calming tone of voice, nodding as he places a hand on Josh’s back as reassurance, “Whatever it is, we’re gonna take care of it.”

“What if it isn’t something?” Brendon asks quietly, but not quietly enough for Josh not to notice.

“Have you seen him panic before, in the month and a half that he’s been here?”

“No,” it sounds more like a question than an answer.

“Then it’s not panic disorder, it’s something that has made his anxiety spike,” Patrick states, pulling back his arm.

“Josh, can you tell us what’s going on?” Brendon tries this time.

“Table seventeen,” it’s easier for him to talk now, “My parents and my brother.”

“Can I take care of it?” Brendon asks him.

“Brendon!” Patrick protests.

“In a civil fashion, I’m not gonna take a swing at anyone,” Brendon’s statement oozes confidence, but he backtracks immediately, “Well, unless it just happens.”

“Sure,” Josh agrees, seconding it with a nod. Taking swings sounds like a good plan at the moment, if he’s being honest.

“After you’ve calmed down,” Brendon smiles softly.

“Mhm,” his breathing speeds up ever so slightly, “Calming down. I’m gonna do that.”

“I know exactly what to do,” he admits, “I’m gonna go help the guys, I’ll let Patrick help you cause I seem to only make it worse,” Brendon raises his eyebrows, he can’t believe what he just said.

“Thanks Brendon,” Josh says.

“We’ve got your back Josh, we’re the decent, loving kind of family,” it’s the last thing that Brendon says to him before he exits the room.

“Feeling better?” Patrick then asks.

“A little.”

“You should go home early,” he suggests. Josh can’t go home early. He already feels guilty enough because he missed out on work two days ago. He can’t do it again, it’s not fair to the guys. And then there’s the fact that Tyler’s supposed to come after classes, and they’re gonna walk home together, like they normally do.

“I can’t,” Josh speaks, the trembling in his voice now gone, “Tyler’s supposed to come after classes, we were going to walk home together. I like talking to him.”

“I will let him know that you had to go home, I’ll tell him to stop by our place.”

“And I can’t go home alone. What if they follow me, ambush me. I can’t defend myself against the three of them,” the thoughts that caused the panic attack come back, but he doesn’t keep them to himself this time.

“What do you want to do?” Patrick asks straightforwardly.

“Calm down,” he doesn’t know why, but he makes it sound like a suggestion, “I really want to go back to work. Pretend nothing’s going on.”

“Okay,” Patrick accepts, “I will ask someone to accompany you guys home when your shift’s over.”

“Andy maybe?” Josh can’t believe he’s saying it, “I was afraid of him the first time I saw him.”

“Everyone is,” Patrick chuckles.

“I’m sorry Patrick, I shouldn’t be acting, or feeling like this.”

“You heard Brendon, we’ve got your back,” he says earnestly, “Everyone’s got their baggage, Josh. Mine comes up in other areas, at worse timings. Yours is coming up now, and we’re gonna deal with it the best we can.”

There’s a pause after Patrick speaks, as Josh tries to process it. He isn’t in the good situation he thought he was in here in Chicago. It’s better than he thought.

“Hey,” Andy peaks his head in.

“Hey,” Patrick returns, “Can you walk Josh and Tyler to the apartment building?”

“Yep, I was headed that way.”

“Problem solved then.”

“You okay Josh? Do you want some water, or maybe tea?” Andy asks, and Josh suddenly feels how dry his mouth is.

“Water. Thank you Andy.” 

“Anytime dude,” he winks.

 

*

 

They’re still here when Josh goes back to work. They’re still here when the busiest period ends. Josh gets fed up of it.

It takes a little bit of inner pep talk, to finally confront them, but he does it. He decides that letting Brendon take care of it wouldn’t solve this the right way, they might come back. He has to be the one to speak to them, and get them to understand that he doesn’t want to be in contact anymore. He doesn’t want their fake affection anymore. He needs to be free.

He makes coffee. It’s silly, he knows it, but the thought walking up to them without anything in his hand terrifies him, it feels like walking up to the enemy in the middle of a battlefield, with no defense whatsoever. So he makes coffee. He fills three mugs with Americana, puts them on a serving platter, and takes them to their table.

They stare at him the entire time he’s walking towards them. They stare as he places the platter on the table, then takes out each mug and places it in front of each family member: his mom, then his dad, and his brother last.

His mom is the first one to speak.

“Josh... We were worried,” she says.

Josh knows that she’s probably the only one who doesn’t deserve to be attacked as much, but he can’t single her out right now, not when they barge in like this. This café is his safe space, and it’s been tainted today.

“These are on the house,” he speaks, his voice low and flat, “Please, never show up again.”

“A barista? Really?” his brother is the first to attack, “This is what you dropped out of college for?”

“I don’t expect you to understand, and I don’t need you to.”

“We can see you’re miserable here. You’re coming home with us,” his dad is next. That adjective rubs him the wrong way.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“And who’s gonna want to stop us?” his dad insists.

“I don’t know,” Josh shrugs, “Everyone. I can start naming people,” as he speaks, the perfect retort for that ‘miserable’ statement comes to him. If this was four months ago, he’d swallow it. But the panic attack induced bravery, starts to mix with the fact that four people have his back, and this time they’re literally behind his back, and he thinks screw it, “I’m only miserable because you’re here,” he uses a sharp tone to get his point across.

“You got the nerve. Do you know what people are saying back home?” his brother continues.

“I don’t really care, if I’m being honest,” Josh states, then looks at his mom, who’s staying silent, and it breaks his heart a little.

“How dare you! We were driving all morning…” his brother speaks again.

Josh feels a sudden urge to say all the things he’s been swallowing his entire life. The things he didn’t even let himself believe because he knew that the only good they’d do was eating him up inside. But it’s time, his self control is slipping away, and he’s okay with that at this moment.

“For who? I didn’t ask you to come,” Josh interrupts him, he can feel his tongue beginning to untangle, “I don’t want to go to that house, just so you can boss me around and make me feel like shit for not having the same believes as you,” he speaks, and for a moment he can’t believe the things he’s saying. Josh takes a step back, “Feel free to leave any time.”

“Hey Josh,” he hears Tyler’s voice come immediately after he speaks. He turns his head to see a confused Tyler, backpack on, carrying the biggest canvas Josh has seen him carry so far. He wonders if Tyler knows what’s going on, if he heard him being mean.

“Hi Tyler,” Josh greets him back. When his eyes meet Tyler’s Josh forgets about his family for a moment, with Tyler there that worry seems to disappear. He feels cheesy and pathetic for just thinking that, but at the same time, he needed to forget about the threat at hand. And Tyler’s providing the best exit in this situation, a big fuck you for thinking he’s miserable here. He’s never been happier, Chicago is better than Christmas mornings.

“Ready to go?” Tyler gestures with his head towards the door.

“Yeah,” Josh gives him a short smile as he turns away from his family.

“Andy’s waiting for us. And Gabe won that big case, so he’s having a party at his on Friday, did you hear?”

“Yeah, he came in this morning. Are you going?”

“I have to. He won’t stop texting me,” Tyler grins, a satisfied look on his face, “I had a single conversation with him once, but we’re practically best friends,” he adds.

“Yeah, he’s great like that,” Josh smiles in response, and they start walking towards the door, “Come on. Did you have a good day?”

“It was decent. How about you?”

“Same old,” he dismisses the obvious, “How were classes?”

“Interesting,” Tyler says, “We had a guest lecturer, this wacky haired, Hawaiian shirt wearing, incredibly dull middle aged sculptor, from some country where they have the guttural ‘R’, so I spent the entire lecture trying to silently roll my ‘R’s, just to keep myself entertained,” Tyler speaks, walking slightly funky, propping the canvas against his body for better grip.

“Need help with that?”

“Don’t I always?”


End file.
